I was thinking down memory lane, and was analyzing the development of my character, personality, habits, likes and dislikes through all these years, and man seriously.......if you knew me some 5 years back you wont be able to recognize me now. My character has seriously gone upside down in these years.
During school, when I was in Delhi (mentally I still am), I was known to be the kind of a guy with attitude, arrogance, I was this angry kid livin down the block who never listened to anybody, alwayz argued about everything, no matter correct or incorrect etc. I was this guy who was into guns (I know all the tech specs of all the popular guns), me and my friends discussed which guns we like, when do we use what guns, we talked about going into wars, thrashing people, making bombs etc. I had this picture of me holding the AK-47 at this gun exhibition at Pragati Maidan, and I was so proud of it I actually thought myself as invulnerable like Tony Montana in Scarface(a classic btw), and I showed it to all my friends!! The Kalashnikov aka AK-47 was my favorite gun (it still is hehe), it never jams, no matter the weather, has the best possible rate of fire, bursts out magazines at an amazing/unbelivable rate of fire, fire upto 5000J in just one shot (and i could go on and on) and it was the favorite of many of my friends. See, thats how we were, thats what we talked about.
No matter how nice the opposite was, we were alwayz rude and arrogant. We made fun of ugly chics and called them fat, on their face. We taunted our teachers claiming that our drivers are paid more than what they get. Some of our comments really broke down our teachers, hampered their confidence, I felt bad from inside, but yeah, I alwayz laughed more and more, cuz I didnt want to be that way, the nice sensitive one.
I remember this one time, when I think was 16, me and two of my friends skipped school and were smoking outside this movie theatre complex. We were kids(I still am hehe). This old guy came to us and told us that what we're doin is bad and stuff like smoking will kill you. What he got was these 3 kids blowing smoke on his face and abusing him as well as his whole family. In between all that talk, I came up with this weird nasty comment, 'Hum teri batey ka rape kardenge mardarchod, chal hat yaha se buddhe!' which means "I'll rape you daughter motherfucker, go fuck yourself faggot!!" The old guy decided we weren't worth giving advise too and quitely left us alone, muttering how bad this generation his.
And about my music tastes, mannnn dont even let me start. I was only the most violent, sexed up gangsta rap ever. I used to recite them to my friends, and that music was mostly about drugs, gangs, guns, guns and more guns, shootings, bitches, hoes. And we guyz used to envy these people saying how they 'fuck these hoes'. And one liners like 'Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks, lick on these nuts and suck the dick' , 'Money over everything and bitches under all' were out motto. We stopped calling girls 'girls'. Girls were 'bitches' for us. Everybody. Even our close and loved ones.
And yes, about my studying habits, those days, I was a semi nerd. I used to study atleast an hour a day, and plan out my studies for the whole year and stuff. I remember, before exams I used to slog my ass out, I alwayz knew where I stood in terms of marks and stuff, which these days I dont even know. Im not aware of what my totals in a course are, I cant even recall which test I gave 3-4 days back sometimes. During school, 1 hour study a day never made me happy, and during exams, even 5 hours a day never made me happy. Speaking of right now, I think its tough for me to open my book even for 20 minutes straight. I alwayz used to think that when I go to college, I'll be studying 3-4 hours daily and having sleepless nights during exams cuz I would be studying all night. Well let me tell you the real situation. We're having exams these days, I dont sleep during the night, I play games of just fuck around but I DONT STUDY. We have our weekly tests and stuff, and I seriously cant recall when I studied for them, I didnt even open my books. People around me are slogging like 15 hours a day minimum (engineering man, that what it does to you), while I can barely manage 15 minutes.
Notice the pattern here, from studying studying to no studying and now I dont even give a shit bout studies, I want to, but I just cant, dont know why. Even with music, now I'm into stuff which you cant even relate to gangsta gang banging rap. Im into music that calms the brain and stuff, sensitive stuff. I used to hate hindi music, taunt and make fun of people who used to listen to it........well now I myself am into that old school early 90s bollywood music. I hated people who liked dixie chicks n stuff. Now the Dixie Chicks are my favorite, same goes for Beatles, Bob Dylan etc. I still like rap, but not that gangsta type....I mean the good rap, something like Nas, Common etc.
People now think of me as this nice guy whos friendly to talk too, is open and loyal (I seriously am NOT boasting, thats just what I think) and people come to discuss matters with me. Im now a Gandhi follower too.(the guy who I hated during school and also blamed for not using violence against the fuckin Britishers). No violence for me bro.
This is what has happenned to me through these 4-5 years. When I meet some old friends they get the biggest shock of their lives when they get to know my music tastes, they see a difference in the way i talk and etc. Now if say I see a group of old people walking past me, I just hide my cigarette, and if they approach me, I chuck the fag away and say Im sorry and I wont do it again. I know that ofcourse I'll smoke again, but atleast the made the old guy feel better.
